What to Do When You Feel Abandoned
In last week’s mass, the priest asked the mass goers what they do when they feel empty, lost, and abandoned. He then suggested that we GO TO OUR OLD FAMILIAR PLACE. Go to your old familiar place where you feel one with God.
Churches have always been a sanctuary to me. There was always a sense of security when I am inside a church, no matter where it may be. My old familiar place was our Parish Cathedral in my hometown. This was the place where I made friends with people outside of school. This was the place where I served as a choir member, psalmist, lector, and mass commentator since I was 10. I practically grew up here. Writing this post made me realize that my typical weekend hang-out back then was this Church.
However, everything changed when I stepped into University. I moved to a different city. I didn’t serve in the local Parish, didn’t join the University choir, and stopped regularly going to mass. I became a nominal Catholic. First, I felt betrayed by my religious community because of issues that emerged in my old parish. Then, I refused to attend mass because I felt like I didn’t deserve salvation. One reason (excuse) piled up another. Though, there were multiple attempts to go back on track, I kept falling off the wagon. I just felt lost in the end. I really felt spiritually empty throughout those years. Though I excelled in other aspects of my life, my spiritual growth was certainly stuck in the dark.
2013 was dubbed as the year of faith and it was truly a year of faith for me. I have slowly regained composure of my spiritual growth through a retreat, regular spiritual direction, and weekly attendance to mass. I’m trying my best to read a chapter of the Bible every day; pray the Trisagio; and start and end the day by thanking the Lord for giving me today.
Today, I know that God never left my side. He was always there. I was the one who left and abandoned Him. I was the one with excuses and I was the one who stopped loving Him. I kept denying Him the opportunity to show His grace so that I can sin sans guilt.
On New Year’s Eve, as I welcomed 2014, I went home and served as a lector in the mass. It has been six years. Going back to my old familiar place was so surreal that I kept crying. I never thought it was possible, but with God anything is possible. Redemption is possible. It really is never too late to change for the better. At any given moment, you can choose to make things better.
When you feel abandoned, go back to your old familiar meeting place with God so that you will find the courage to move forward. Salvation does not come at the end of your days. Salvation is a daily process. You don’t have to know all the answers. You just have to actively choose to be better, to love Him more, every day.